Connect with your partner

5 ways to Connect with Your Partner (Outside the Bedroom)

“Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul. It brings two people closer and helps them bond better.”

Arijit Chandra

Emotional connection is vital in relationship between partners. When we feel emotionally connected then we feel seen, we feel heard, and we feel understood. There are many ways a couple can work on their connection and bond. The following is a list of suggestions I find useful in helping partners emotionally connect with one another.

5 ways to connect with your partner

1. Check-in with each other

Carve out time in your day to connect with one another on a deeper level through conversation. Often times we get caught up in the mundane, everyday surface conversation and we don’t go beyond that. Take 15 minutes to sit down as a couple and talk. Remember that this time is not to discuss hard issues or for conflict as those discussions can happen at other times.

Here are some topics that you might incorporate into this check-in time:

  • Appreciations: What have you noticed lately in the relationship? What has your partner done lately that you can appreciate? What has made you feel special or cared for? Are there any personal qualities that you want to show appreciation for?
  • Relationship: Areas working well in the relationship? Areas of focus in the relationship? Plans for relationship development? Plans for time together? Needs/desires/wishes?
  • Feelings: Current feelings? Difficult feelings? Struggles?

2. Turn Towards Your Partner

For many reasons, partners will sometimes turn away from their partner instead of turning towards them. Lean on your partner for support, open up to them, share your feelings even if they are uncomfortable, and ask for the support you need. Turning away from your partner will create disconnection and feelings of loneliness for both of you.

3. Create Rituals of Connection

Every relationship is unique, and every individual has certain aspects/behaviors/rituals they find important. Discussing and incorporating rituals into the relationship helps to create commonality and harmony. The key is to find out what is important to your partner and what their desired rituals may be and incorporate these into the relationship.

4. Find Inspiration in the Gottman Card Decks

Dr. John Gottman has developed a fun set of cards that focus on areas of friendship, rituals of connection, intimacy questions, intimacy acts, feelings, appreciations, and more. These card decks are now available on a free app called “Gottman Card Decks.” As a couple, connect with one another by using these card decks and asking each other the questions in the different categories.

5. Spark romance with date days/date nights

When life gets busy, we tend to forget about simply having fun with our partners and creating time for the activities that brought you together in the first place. Set aside that time for date days or date nights. Plan ahead and schedule what is needed to make this possible (calling a babysitter, booking time off work, etc.). If day times are easier to manage, make it happen even if it’s sneaking away to have a quick lunch together. Making time for each other is vital in order to help keep the relationship alive.

Connecting with one another is key to keeping the relationship thriving and creating a sense of safety and togetherness. If your relationship could use more tools to help you and your partner connect, I am happy to help. 

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